Anything You Can Do

I have a confession to make: I am beginning to think that this show has some problems. It's like cotton candy -- delightful going down, but doesn't stay with you any longer than five minutes. While it's absolutely well-acted and well-scripted, and the production values are brilliant, I don't think it's particularly well-paced or plotted. The Many Mysteries set into motion are unraveling at a glacial pace, and unlike the myriad other shows which have progress with a similar slowness, this show doesn't even pretend to reveal anything more than one meager plot point a week. Even shows which eventually completely imploded under the weight of their own plotting -- The X-Files, Twin Peaks, even, some would say, Alias -- made a practice of revealing actual, meaty clues and moving forward each week. You felt like you were going SOMEWHERE, even if that somewhere ended up being up the butt of a cranky genie. I think part of the problem with this show is, of course, that it's mostly confined to Wisteria Lane, which makes it feel like it's not going anywhere -- it literally never does go anywhere. But my real problem with it is that it doesn't stick with me. Twin Peaks stayed with me, freaked me out, confused me, frustrated me. But there was something there. Ditto The X-Files. Sure, that ended up in a total disastrous clusterfuck of an ending, but it was meaty and layered and complex. ("Thanks?" offers my Agent Mulder action figure from his spot on the top of the heater. The top of the heater is like Florida for action figures; it's warm, and that's where they retire. "You're welcome," I tell him. "So, does this mean I get to talk now?" he asks, "because I've got some real theories about this Dana thing. Clearly, she was abducted by aliens! It's all so very obvious!" Next to him, the Scully rolls her eyes. "Cram it, Spooky," she says.) This show, although it gives endless lip service to seeing beneath the surface, seems to be only surface to me. There's no real there there. I hope I'm proved wrong about this -- there are some things I really enjoy about this show, and I think it is totally chock-full of potential, but I'd like to see some actual real plot development, and soon. I know Charles Pratt and Co. can do it -- I watched Melrose Place. Come on, kids! Let's see some backstabbing! Some man-stealing! Some cocktails in the face! Go to the alien thing, if you have to.